SO reminded me yesterday that I was supposed to be keeping track of my moods since 19Aug. Better late than never. This is going to be done on my iPad as I think it, edited only for spelling as that irritates me. I am a bit OCD (is a bit OCD possible?) about some things, such as I like things in 3s, 7s, or 12s, and when I pump gas it has to wind up on 0 or 5. This is going to bounce around a bit.

Question: Why do I repeat myself? Double say a word or short phrase? I have realized I only do this when manic. Is this a bipolar thing?

I have also learned that while 0.5 mg trazadone helps me sleep it also literally snaps me out of black hole depression kinda like from 0 to 60 in seconds. And yes, I like this. So last week 3 days after stopping Seroquel and starting Abilify I got twitchy. Pdoc reduced to 1 mg and added trazadone back in. I am sleeping, and I am manic. Tonight I am back on 2 mg Abilify. So counting Topamax for migraine, Abilify, trazadone, and Lexapro are my currents meds for bipolar.

Still getting used to that, bipolar. Acted like I had no idea what that was in a meeting at work today, like there was a neon sign on my head everyone could see that screamed I was a bipolar nut job.

A week ago I felt I had some energy, got some sleep, got some work done, had nothing when I got home. This weekend did some things at home for first time in a year. Also want sex first time in in a year, did not mention that to SO, dealt with it myself. My outlet is in my head.

Did confess to SO I was jazzed. Also asked best bud at work who knows of Dx to keep eye on me. My brain and my words are going 1000mph. I am productive, but bounce from task to task (“shiny things”). Best bud says I am myself which gives me hope that this is me? Still drained when get home, got nothing left. Did not sleep much last night, not sleepy now. I have gone from crying terrified of losing job cuz of “it” = ***** = (boss’s boss) to whatever and back to going to help save boss (D) and me so that he and I will go to new job together at same different company leaving this one on same day (which is actually what we have discussed doing).

So back to meds. I am back to 2 mg Abilify tonight. Want to give this til next Monday to see if full dose makes a difference with trazadone. I feel like while I am jazzed and I am tending to oversharing but not heatedly shooting off my mouth. Either way I think Pdoc is back next Monday so will call and leave update. Feel weird vibrations. Have to move but now I think it is mania not Abilify.

Reading what I can when I can. Also Psych Central. Really not sure what I think about being bipolar. Hate back holes, love mania. SO and sisters ok. Moma in denial. Told me “don’t act like yourself” at work. Hell don’t know who I am so that was not helpful. Rambling so stopping now.