I am sorry that you're feeling stuck and miserable. I can relate a lot with how your mind and emotions are working ~ up a little, down a lot, up a little, hard knock down, the list goes on...

Have you tried getting some county assistance? If that isn't an option for you: Lots of psychiatric offices do offer sliding fee scales, and that really helps! DBT can be especially helpful. You could go onto the website to refresh your memory. DBT Self Help

Gentle hugs and best wishes to you.