Quote:
Originally Posted by pachyderm
My feelings of being a horrible person slowly began to fade when I told some people (therapists) what I had done that made me bad, and they did not react to it in the way I expected.
Not living up to our standards is pretty common among humans -- we are not necessarily forever condemned for it. We are all capable of making bad mistakes, if the stress is great enough. It does not mean we will always make bad mistakes. Learning just to do better is possible.
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I can't pin point anything exactly that I've done to warrant my feelings.
I'm no angel, I know I have done bad things but I don't think (or at least can't remember) doing anything I would call really evil. Sheesh, I can't even say I really feel bad about them. (I really am awful.)
It's just this sort of innate feeling. (Maybe I'm ashamed that I don't feel guilty enough about the bad things I've done.)
My boss was having a bad day, so I bought her some flowers. She was grateful which made me feel good. The second I started to feel good I started berating myself because clearly I hadn't intended to make her feel better at all I was just making myself feel better.
Feeling good just has this taint for me.