So it is now 4:09am i have been up since yesterday i have tried to sleep but no matter what i did i just couldnt stay asleep its like all the things i try to block during the day seem to come to me in my sub cautions and it disturbs my sleep because i dont want to deal with my issues when im awake nor when i am sleeping i know I need help andthat is the first step to getting ot is admitting it but there are certain fears i have with confronting my issues i guess its like if i never go to get help for it then i can say to myself there isnt a problem none of my issues are real bit by getting help i can no longer deny the realness of my issues i want help at least i think i do i have lived with my problems and issues for so long im scared of what it would feel like to be normal for even a litte ir at least what society thinks normal should be i pray I get the help i need and none of this affects my lil lady bug cause if i wasnt having her I dont think i wpuld have ever gone as far as joining this site or looking into my depression issues even further if it weren't for my baby i wpuld have never admitted to her father that i need help because i never cared about myself enough to even try to get help but there is something about becoming a mother that makes you want to do better i know my problens wont be solved by the time i have my baby in 6 weeks but i hope to at least have taken an extra step to get healed or shall i say to cope and live with the things that have happened