A lot of times stay at home women focus on their children as their whole lives...their whole purpose for living.....a choice that both of you made at the time you had children.....that being said.....your wife & you both soon would end up being empty nesters.....a whole other phase of marriage anyway......& maybe your wife is holding on even more with that concept in her mind.
Was there love at the beginning of your marriage.....I ask that because in my marriage I realize there was never love.....I had too many issues with my H & too much lack of respect for him even before the wedding & love never grew & flourished in our marriage.....so my leaving after 33 years & like you....I lived separated in my own home for over 13 years before I finally left......but there was never any love......the difference.....
It doesn't sound like there was really anything that took any love away in your marrige, your wife just redirected her love all to her children.....as she took that as her career & her whole life's purpose.
With marriages like that....the spark of love is usually still smoldering even though it doesn't look very bright at the moment......but many times it can be rekindled.
Are you serious about the prayers.....do you have any religious beliefs in your marriage?.....Focus on the Family does some really wonderful work at pulling families back together in situations just like yours....
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The Focus on the Family Help Center counselors are here to listen and pray with you, as well as provide initial guidance and resources to help you and your family thrive. Arrange to speak with a licensed Christian counselor at no cost by calling 1-855-771-HELP (4357) Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. Mountain time. Due to high call volumes, you may be asked to leave your name and number for a counselor to return a call to you
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Here is also their web site that you can browse & see if there is something that might help.
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I know that you said you have gone through counseling 3 other times....but if it was anything like the T that we say (also my own private psychologist who ended up also being H's own private psychologist).....& also worked with us together.....he wasn't the quality psychologist that I have learned really exists....so it doesn't surprise me that nothing came from it....but then....I had grown to feel so much anger & hatred over those 33 years....there wasn't anything that was going to heal that situation.....even though I have come to learn what physical/mental issues are behind his behavior....it doesn't change that I can no longer tolerate it.......but it doesn't sound like your marriage is really at that point.....so there is always a chance that it can be revived. Yes, your wife & you need to take your marriage relationship back to what it was before children.....but if there is really nothing there blocking that from happening & the marriage really started out based on real love.....there is no reason who you wouldn't be able to revive your relationship IMO.