I'm not sure a 'stern' father would have been any better...you needed someone balanced, and as much as having a very docile parent seems to have impacted upon you, do you not think having someone who took people out the back to give them what for would have been any better? We see the impact of overly strict and abusive fathers here all the time and trust me it ain't pretty. Have you thought about professional help? There's a time to let this sort of thing go but sometimes we need guidance on doing that. All anyone can advise you here is to accept its time to move on and acknowledge that there are always better and conversely much worse situations out there. I hope you find peace with your childhood.