Claritytoo, I'm in the same boat. My therapist is dying of cancer, so I have been without a solid anchor since March. I am 50/50 between I don't need this and OMG I'm in crisis all the time. I've bounced around 3 therapist now since then and still not happy. I cancelled today's appointment - just couldn't face more talk of more abuse (even though I am getting flashbacks left and right). I guess I am "supposed" to stay in therapy - so says my doc "because of your history, it is important". But I've already put in 12 years! Maybe I can just try life on my own. I don't want to attach to another person - they keep leaving. It hurts too much. Or they don't live up to what they say they'll do "I'm human". Yeah, great. So am I, for all the good it's doing me... and I don't like being needy; and relying on a t makes me kinda needy. and I hate it. So for now, I'm in therapy. Not participating 100%, and usually let her prattle on - she tends to - just so I have a reason not to engage. But ultimately it only hurts me. I guess. In some ways it is good to have a t; if you are prone to inpatient, like I am, then it helps to get out to already have that stability. But otherwise, it is a big commitment and they do like you to show up and participate.
Tough decisions.
Best to you!