I dont know where to begin... I am in my 40s now and havent been able to have any kind of relationship with my mother. The two of us get in heated fights. I believe she starts them with an ugly comment first. I have never ben able to dress right, do anything right with her, and whats worse is I answer her insults back!! I could give specific examples of what I think is cruelty coming from a mother, and I have to admit.... I fight the fire with fire where shes concerned. Heres whats bothering me... I believe that after one of these verbal arguments take place she twists the story and tells it to siblins, etc to favor her. In fact I know so because I have heard from brothers and sisters just how awful it was to make my mom cry over such and such a visit. I think my mom is in denial about her behavior, and I think my siblings are blinded to the fact that she might have some issues ( I do too- I dont know how to deal with her anymore)On one such visit a couple years ago my mom told everyone I needed counseling because I have problems.... this angered me - but here I am looking for help.....I really believe she is a control freak in the worst way. When she married my father she forced him not to have anything to do with his first born, by another woman who left him at the altar...I only found out about my half brother because my sister ended up working with him several years ago, and she started developing an interest in him ( her half brother) so the parents decided to tell us.. I think its very cruel to force someone to ignore his child, and by doing so force me and my siblings to never have the chance to meet him either.. I found out about him in my 30s , and this became another issue I had with her. Actually I think it is the root of my issues with her.I think shes a control freak... she uttterly orders dad around like a sergeant...and he obeys... I believe he does to keep the peace, although I know it gets to him once and awhile. He left the house to visit my sister recently cause "HE HAD TO GET AWAY" She loves you... if you never challenge her, if you agree with her, do what she asks, when she asks, ....Anyhow when she said I needed counseling , and after the anger wore off ...I agreed and thought since my issues are with her, and asked her to join me... she refused... I think she knows I have lots of dirty laundry to air... ( and I am not saying when she insults me I dont verbally fight back without alot of frustration, anger and build up resentment so it gets nasty on both sides).... She refused because shes afraid shes going to have to admit wrongdoing.When I asked her to talk about our issues.... she doesnt want to.... I AM TRYING TO START A FIGHT....with her by asking. To me shes put me in an impossible situation ( I can no longer take her verbal abuse, and I become verbally abusive with her too, but I dont run to siblings and distort what was said to make her look bad.... I do own up to my side of these issues....anyhow its pointless to go to therapy regarding her.... because shes not there to own up to her half of the issues......in fact shes at home spreading how wicked and evil I am to the siblings who are blinded to her, ( for the most part.... some have had issues with her treatment of Dad themselves).... living in denial..... and I am here over 100 miles away.... planning on not returning.......... because I am sick to death of trying to resolve issues with a control freak, living in denial...... I guess I am trying to deal with guilt over resentment of Mom, and how this makes it impossible to have any relationship ever with siblings who are blinded by her, or too afraid to say what they must see- her issues...or to afraid to" go there "cause she is OUR MOTHER............and I have the religious issue too- HONOR thy father and thy mother- I cant honor MY MOTHER...........and I fear my regret will haunt me when they (parents) die.... And also she has gotten rid of another threat (besides my half brother) to her illusion of a happy little perfect life......... ME............ Please help