I agree that her being less reactive was best and would be most helpful in real relationships. Being reactive and getting emotionally tangled up about someone else's behavior is common in outside relationships, but not in the healthiest ones. Rather, like when my daughter does something harmful, it's up to me to help her, not to rant at her. I'm her teacher, and need to teach her by example, so while my response may be constrained, it is authentic and purposeful, as I think was your therapist's. However, I hope you don't interpret her lack of negative emotions as a lack of caring- I don't believe that's the case. Perhaps you expect that from past relationships? How did your parents react when you did something negative?