But i wasn't ready for it.

I chose to end my engagement today because I really am not ready to settle down. I wanted to be really bad. Wanted everything to fall into place so easily but.. its not what i really want and i think that a small part of me has known that for a while and not wanted to face the truth. Was the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do. I literally almost got sick because it hurt so much to see him in pain but.. I can't pretend to feel something I don't feel.

I do love him, I just didn't realize that I loved him in a different way, because I didn't give it enough time. A month is such a short time, and I definetly think I've learned something from this.

I feel the need to stand on my own two feet - to get off my ***, get a job and live life instead of just settling because it is easy.

God knows though im pretty shook up over the whole thing.

*sigh*