Hello there!

I am new to this forum and was directed here after I began having issues with fairly severe anxiety. I decided to join in an effort to learn ways to manage the anxiety. I already posted this in the New Member Introductions forum, so pardon my self-plagiarism.

To give a little background on myself, I am 23 years old in the process of applying to graduate school for a Master's in secondary education. I have been experiencing anxiety issues since high school, although it has waxed and waned over the years. I have experienced a few episodes of what I believe may have been panic attacks, but I have never been formally diagnosed so I guess I can't say for sure. Overall, though, I have always been able to manage it.

After graduating college, I decided to not jump right into graduate school to give myself a chance to explore other career options before making any commitments. I have always had a mild degree of interest in medicine, and decided to explore that route by becoming a medical scribe in an Emergency Department. I am starting to think that was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. At first, I enjoyed the job. I was exposed to a lot of interesting situations and thought it was a great learning experience. I guess over time, however, it has been taking quite a toll on me. The job is stressful and almost unreasonable at times. The shift times are so variable that I have trouble sleeping at times. I am working a majority of weekends so it is very difficult to see my family and boyfriend. I also don't get treated very well as an employee, between having no actual lunch break (my lunches consist of 4-5 minutes of scarfing down food in the on-call room while standing up and then rushing back out) and barely being able to sneak out to use the bathroom (I ended up with a UTI during my first month of work there). In addition, I seemed to have developed extreme health anxiety. I have seen people come in with such awful diseases, and it is really starting to affect me. It hasn't exactly helped that I have actually become sick with a few infections from work, including C. diff.

I am riddled with so much anxiety that I feel like I am in a state of panic 24/7. This is nothing like I have ever experienced before. I have started experiencing heart palpitations, occasional shortness of breath, pretty extreme muscle tension, diffuse muscle twitching/fasciculations, acid reflux and sharp epigastric pain, and jaw fatigue/pain that gets worse toward the end of the day and is exacerbated by eating (I think I may be grinding my teeth at night, though). Because I am experiencing so many physical symptoms, I made the biggest mistake by searching online and reading about all of the terrible things that have severe symptoms. I recently became fixated on the idea that I could have a terrible neuromuscular disease, like MD or ALS, due to the muscle fasciculations, and even the jaw fatigue, and I am horribly panicked about it. Of course, this means that I am stuck in a terrible cycle: anxiety causing physical symptoms, physical symptoms causing more anxiety. I feel like I am spiraling out of control and don't know how to stop it. The logical side of me is still present and acknowledges that all of these symptoms can be caused by anxiety; however, part of me is still fixated on the idea that it could be something else. It doesn't help that some of the things I see at work are downright scarring emotionally.

I have been contemplating going to the doctor regarding my physical symptoms, but I suppose part of me has been afraid of doing so. I know I could benefit from some peace of mind and maybe even some help managing my anxiety. I am just fearful of being laughed out of the office and told I am too young to have so many "problems."

Basically, I am here because I really just want to get a handle on my life. I realize I wrote quite a bit, so if anybody actually read the whole thing through, I do appreciate it immensely. Thanks for listening.