I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time still. Please take care of yourself. Your suffering is severe at the moment and it's the type of thing that therapy can help with -- the depression, anxiety and guilt. It sounds so very painful.

I hope you are seeing your therapist regularly, at least weekly, as a minimum, to help you adjust to this and to accept the things you cannot change. Sometimes it takes extra help to get us through a period of grief and to regain equilibrium once again.

Seeing that your daughter is 18, the police have no choice but to view her as an adult and if she doesn't want you to come to the place she's living, then that's something one has to accept, or risk ending up in jail! It's really important to not provoke her into reactions that she, and everyone else, will regret later.

It's hard. Very very hard. You're in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you well. Please remember that your daughter is not gone. She's temporarily away from you. My thoughts are with her safety.

Take Care.