Thanks again everyone. Today I feel a tiny bit better so that may be the beginnings of a recovery of some sort. Only my second day on Risperdol and it seems to be going well. I must have worn myself out pacing as I am utterly exhausted now and can't stop sleeping. I am still agitated but perhaps not as bad as yesterday. Perhaps there is hope I can stablize to some kind of 'normal'. Today I see my therapist so that will help me put things into perspective. I am supposed to be back at work on Sunday but feeling the way I do i couldn't do my job so I may have to ask for more time off and may have to give the reason, which I am afraid to do. I could always lie I guess but I hate lying. I wouldn't go into diagnosis, maybe just say I had depression or something easier to digest. I am casual also so I am not getting paid at the moment which is stressful in itself. Did I mention I hate this illness. I am trying to cling onto hope and all the support I am getting here and in real life but I am still suicidal, which is a worry. the treatment was supposed to get rid of that but it hasn't. Maybe I just need more time.