Travelinglady,

I wish there was a way to get this company to do things the right way. I have been here 10 years and gone through 2 full nervous breakdowns since I have been here. One of them I snapped at work and went full on overdrive at my boss, I shredded him to pieces with every big or little thing that he had done wrong in all of the years I have worked here, in a whole room full of people. I probably only still have a job because of my programming skills. He was quite upset about that for a couple months. But then he got over it and actually changed a few ways based on what I had said, more or less he was an arrogant punk, if you asked for help he would either say "Ill just do it myself." or give an attitude that you were wasting his time and most of the time still did not get the answer you needed.

We got it all hashed out yesterday though and things are back on track, though without my meds it would have been much worse. I would have went home in a bad mood which would have been a bad night. I went home and my wife and I spent a couple hours ruminating about life and family and just relaxing outside around a fire in our fire ring. We live in the country next to a big lake so we can do that whenever we want.

My mother is bi-polar and goes into deep depression sometimes so has always been on meds to keep her level. I swore that would never be me, but it is. Taking the combo of Lactimal and Klonopin has me feeling better than I have in years, im not constantly anxious and do not have the severe mood swings that I used to have which allows me to focus much better on my programming, but in the end its still because of meds.

Thanks for your input.