This is my first post, and it's a tricky one, so don't be too quick to judge.

I'm 23, a female, and I got my first dog about 4 months ago. She's a cute Shih Apso mix, about 1 year and 6 months old. I love her very dearly, and I got her thinking she would aid my depression, which has been treading the line between dysthymic or a full-blown depressive episode.

Fast-forward to now, where I feel guilty because she could be receiving much better care from a fully-engaged owner. I do the essentials--feeding her twice daily, taking her out when nature calls, giving her some play time both outdoors and indoors. But...I had started out walking her in the mornings, but with my work schedule in full-force, waking up early to take her for a full walk is almost impossible. And now I feel terrible, because we no longer take her for walks and only let her outside either to poop or play (which is for about 15-30 minutes at a time; I'm anemic, so I get tired pretty quickly). We have a fenced in yard, so it's easy to give her exercise in that way--but I feel like I should be doing more. She was housetrained when we got her, but I've yet to give her some basic training commands other than "sit" or "stay."

Right now, she's laying next to me sleeping, but I feel like she's bored. If I take her to the dog park to socialize, she becomes her happy, jumpy self. I feel like she's not getting the stimulation she needs at home, and I feel worse because of it.

If anything, this should motivate me to make a drastic change and become more engaged--and hope that it finally pulls me out of this depression. But motivation is hard to come by. Beyond working and her, I don't have much of a life. Cleaning is the hardest thing for me, but I would never want her to live in a dirty house with a depressed owner, so I'm trying for her. My family is also here to watch her, but there have been some scares (my mother left a bottle of pills open on the floor, and my dog ate them--mum didn't think of going to an emergency clinic until I caught her vomiting and pooping blood; thankfully she's alright now), so I don't trust them fully enough to take care of her.

Sometimes I think she would be better off with someone else. But with the money I've spent on trying to keep her healthy and happy, the guilt would eat away at me. I don't know what I'm asking at this point, I probably just needed to vent. I want to change so dearly for my dog...