I only got over my grief through a lot of tears and savoring the warm memories. I think the real key to recovering from grief, for me, anyway, is building more relationships, something to fill the void. Of course, we never have identical people in our lifes, so I do not mean trying to recreate what was lost, but rather, building new bridges to happiness.

Some places offer free therapy. Many other cities have a variety of free support groups. There are cheap limited therapy options online, like ones that give unlimited email and for $25 a week, or $200 for eight week programs.

Also, the shame you carry blocks your healing: if you are too embarrassed to feel how you do that you chose not to share it, the wound festers instead of draining.

Perhaps posting here or on grief forums can help, and I do think talking to someone in person is important. I don't think your upset is shameful at all- please keep in mind, you haven't killed anyone or committed any other type of offense, you're simply heartbroken over losing someone who took the time to help and understand you and that's normal and human.