Yes, absolutely what growly said. I know spanking is still an accepted form of punishment but really, it won't help her at all... and it absolutely doesn't make sense in trying to teach her not to hit... by hitting her. You must be under a lot of stress, and you are looking after a very disturbed little girl, can only imagine how tough it is (and I have a little one myself).

First off - any kind of violence is not acceptable, but you can convey this message in a firm but kind way. Try to find her triggers, prevention is the best solution... but it sounds as though she may really need to hit out a bit. block any hits, hold her hands/arms gently if necessary and say 'I won't let you hit me, but if you need to hit, you can hit this pillow'. If the hitting continues and you are finding it hard to regulate yourself, walk away but tell her why 'I understand it's hard for you not to hit me right now, so I am going into the other room'. That's different to time out, you are removing yourself and modelling self regulation (something she desperately needs).

Damage to stuff - put anything you don't want broken away/out of reach. Now is not the time to teach her about respecting other people's stuff, too much going on for her. If she is prone to going on the rampage, follow her and stop her. Watch what she is doing, for instance throwing things might = a need to throw (it's actually a schema), go throw ball in the park. If it's damage she wants to do, how about ripping up old newspapers?

Drawing on walls - show her what she can draw on. If she continues with the walls, tell her that you need to take away her pens/crayons for now, because the walls are not for drawing on. All said calmly but firmly... and on her level.

Hope that helps a bit. I hope you are being kind to yourself, as you are doing a great job. x x