Well, it's done. Ordered and on the way!
I don't know how this will go, I'm seriously nervous and already feeling a *bit* guilty. But I feel like I need to try this again with all the work I've done towards trying to make peace with myself
We'll see what happens, and I'll absolutely take up the offer of coming here first to talk if start to feel like repeating my former cycle and getting rid of my toy.
Thank you so much to those who have taken the time to offer me support and advice this far! It's helped more than I can express