I a 26 year old girl/woman living in Europe. I suffer from BPD, PTSD, panic attacks, social anxiety and hypersensitivity.
My everyday life is a struggle. I have my up days and my down days (or hours). My mood swings like a seesaw, but I usually manage to let go of my anxiety, self-blame and depressive moments, but this time I can't! I keep blaming myself for something that happened a month ago, and it is haunting me!
I don't dare to speak to my psychiatrist about this problem, because it is too much of a taboo! I can only speak to my father and a close friend about it, but they are tired of hearing about it.

Well....... This is what happened a month ago:

I met this guy who seemed nice, caring and well-spoken (seemingly). Although we were very different (I am more of the bookish person and he was into sports and cars), I managed to fall for this guy. We were dating for four or five days, but I found out he wasn't for me. While we dated, I gradually managed to notice how maladaptive this guy was. He had a poor hygiene (smelt of old sweat), extremely bad manners (picked his nose) and he eventually started making weird animal sounds. The animal sounds (cat meeows, for the most part) became more and more prominent. It was like he was letting out something that he struggled to keep in. The more he got to know me, the more confident he became and the more weird he started acting.

After I told him that we should just be friends, I settled down with it. But some days later, I heard that he was suffering from an intellectual disability. This came as a shock to me! I had no clue about that when I first met this guy! He seemed so normal at first. After a while, I did notice that he was weird (bad-smelling, nose-picking etc.), but he wasn't exactly dumb. Neither me nor my father (who also talked to this guy) noticed anything! And my father has a master's degree in social work! I am very confused about this whole situation!

How could I not notice anything? How could my father not notice anything? I keep blaming myself every day! I have never had this happened to me before, and it feels like a real nightmare come true! I kissed this guy (didn't go any further), but I regret it so much. I feel irresponsible and dumb for not noticing this guy's condition, and I am always blaming myself! How could I not see it? How could I find this guy attractive? I feel like an abuser! A sex offender! Although we only kissed!
I would never enter relationships with people with intellectual disabilities, because it would feel to me like being in a relationship with a child! Although this guy is high functioning and driving cars, I can't help but feel that I've done something wrong.

I'm always asking my father: "What's wrong with me who didn't notice the guy's intellectual disability?". He is constantly telling me that there must be something wrong with him too, because he (with his master's degree) didn't notice anything either!

How can I overcome this and stop blaming myself? I won't talk to a doctor or psychologist about this! I am too ashamed of this and the shame is killing me!

Please help me...........