This is about my experience of different drugs in combination with one another and my mental illness. It is a bit long, but are a lot of factors that create the end result that I am inquiring about, so only read if you're interested.

I am an 18 year old dude diagnosed with bipolar II, mild depression, anxiety, when I was 15 or 16. Self diagnosed with OCD though I never focused on that with a psych and it is mid. When I was 11 or 12 I was diagnosed with ADHD and ADD, like many many other teenagers.

Before I get into this, I am not seeking any advice. I am stable and enlightened and content with my life at this point. I am just seeking different perspectives, insights, and stories related to my experiences.

When I was 11/12 I got put on 54mg of Concerta for the ADHD/ADD. I stayed on that until I was about 15, at which point I realized what horrible effects it had on me. I never ate, had terrible sleep, was very irritable, etc. It is legal speed, in my opinion. A year or so after that, I did very poorly in school, stopped caring about anything and became totally lost in my own world, oblivious to how I was perceived by my peers. It was a lot different than how I viewed myself. So, I stopped doing any work at all and dropped out of school halfway through sophmore year in highschool. Over the following few months I saw different specialists got different treatments and at the end of it got the bipolar and anxiety and depression diagnoses. I was put 200mg Lamotragine (or Lamictol), 150mg Buproprion (or Wellbutrin), and .5mg Clonazepam (or klonopin). The first two on a daily basis, and the klonopin on a take as needed basis or for sleep. I have been on that ever since and it's a perfect fit, for the time being at least.
Before all that, I was a huge pothead. On and off from 6th grade, to a few months after being medicated, I smoked weed. In the last year of it, I was smoking like 5 times a day. It was something I really liked. Around the time I dropped out, right before I got diagnosed, I was having distortions/hallucinations (hearing things, surfaces morphing/shifting/closing in on me), and anxious restlessness and weed became something I needed on a higher level. It helped chill me out.
This whole thing in the end, is about a variety of factors and their roles in this. So I should mention, before I dropped out I tried acid once, hated it. It was terrifying and scarring. A third of the way my first trip, I discovered my iPod and the beatles helped me turn it around and have a good time. Nevertheless, it was not for me. It WAS for a lot of my friends, and I really wanted to be a person who liked it, and thought less of myself if i didn't. So, over the next few months I did it another 3 times in high doses of potent acid, and hated it of course. After the 4th time, I got over it and realized I would never conquer acid and stopped doing it. For what it's worth, one or two times it may have I-25 or some other research chemical, but at least two accounts it was LSD. So anyways, I walked away from the drug with a strong fear and resentment towards it. I am scared by it to this day. Sometimes, if i am off my meds for a few days and in stress, I will have sober acid flashbacks.

So, after I was diagnosed and medicated, I kept smoking weed all the time for a few months, and it was still good for me. Or so it felt that way. I ended up stopping abruptly right before I went to my new school where I turned things around, became a healthy, nice guy, and a good student. I starting to carefully observe my mental state and emotions immediately before and immediately after getting high. I realized there was little difference. It did me no good, was very boring, life consuming, and made my head run at half-capacity. I soon became in love with being sober and what I could accomplish by that.

Four months into my "new life", I was in a situation with new friends where we could smoke. It was a positive environment. I felt I wouldn't start doing it frequently again and I wanted to see what it would be like as an isolated incident in good setting. I took one hit from a bong, and immediately it was like I was on acid. I was incredibly paranoid, hallucinating, uncomfortable in my skin, scared I would hurt myself or someone else, and totally unable to think of any solution. I had to leave and run around outside and try to deal with this until it went away. So, I decided okay i cant do that anymore.
Weed became like acid, I wanted to conquer it, though I didn't want to be one that did it with any frequency. Three months later, a similar situation arose. I tried it again and a similar thing happened, but a took some klonopin before so it was more tolerable. But i walked away from it without any desire to to it again. Like with acid, another time came up a few months later. This time, i didn't take klonopin, I decided to moderate the intake of weed. I took a small hit from a one-hitter or "bat". That's it. 10 minutes later, things were worse than ever. Almost exactly like acid. My brain in shambles, my whole world out of whack. My girlfriend helped me get outside, and go on incredibly difficult journey on the train to my sister's place to borrow three klonopin from her (She has bipolar I and almost the same medications, and I didn't have mine with me). I took it and gradually the high became more manageable.
I didn't need any more reminders after that. I haven't touched it since, and never plan to again. That is said with total conviction, I've no doubt that I'll never do it again.
So that is pretty much it. Like I said, I'm very happy now. Things are awesome. But i sometimes think about this. I should mention real quick- I do drink from time to time. I have a low tolerance, a couple beers get me drunk and I have fun and its all good and well and only every couple months. Anyways, since there are so many factors involved in these episodes and whatnot, I am interested to know what people think. What combinations did it? How did this happen and why? How come I am so distant from the life I used to have of smoking 5 times a day? Does anyone else have similar experiences? Did my bipolar set in more and more making my perception of intoxication different? Or the same thing with the meds getting into my bloodstream? Please share. If you read this all, thanks a lot. Haha. Have an terrific day!!!

P.S.- there are a few details or maybe factors left out for lack of belief that they play a role in this. So feel free to ask questions or clarification on anything.