I made it home, where the idea was that I would be alone to heal myself. My mother has been with me two weeks. Mom has always steamrolled. She doesn't cooperate. She just diez what she does as she wants to do it and anyone else in the house can work around her.

She still refers to my "psychosis books". Not one has psychosis in the title. I have enzymes for autism and neurological disorders and what your doctor wont tell you about menopause. Cooking for geeks. Natural healing for schizophrenia. Its a high histamine book, not a paychosis book.. A book on allergies.

I thought I could choose from a half dozen rooms for yoga space. I have big floors and ten foot ceilings and in the centre of every room os a chandelier hung low enough I have to stoop in heels to pass under them. Everywhere. Right in the center of each room.

Mom wont go away.

I will never have the house to myself. So i turn info my dad and grampa, going out to work my muscles in the yards until im tired. I have twenty acres that cant be farmed. Some of it is protected woodlands. I can have fun. I can play pioneer. I have nothing to complain about.

Nothing to complain of but poison ivy. And my family. They planned a surprise for me. It os a lovely nature but not fie ptsd. I can tell when somethings up. I can tell when plans are not as i expected. I get paranoid. Early on i guessed we were expecting a male guest and that it had to be my son, but I still got paranoid and antsy. Then I got poison ivy.

Its an old house. My grandfathers grandfather built the main part and my grandfather built the rest. Its a good house. Its worth saving. So are the trees and garden spaces.

So...my mother loves me but empathy and sensitivity are not her thing. Attunement Is not in her repertoire. But shes the only mom Ive ever had. I cant afford residential treatment and frankly I dont trust it is not summer camp for rich old women suffering ptsd from stress breakdowns caused by divorce proceedings or children who leave home. You know what I mean. So im doing what I can. And Its challenging enough without banda and face blistering up. I wake with wild dreams. I cant find organic cream. Ive half a mind to buy a goat.