I totally get what you're saying, but I can also say, the feeling does lessen over time. My first therapist told me eight months into our work together that she would be retiring in six months and leaving the state. I remember sitting in shock, my entire body shaking so hard I could barely remain sitting up (I was in a pretty bad place when she told me emotionally). It's ten years later and I have moved on. I still think of her with fondness, but the picture of her in my mind has faded and I can't remember her voice. But I can still think of little things that happened between us during the time we were together and they are very precious memories.

One thing I did do was seek out a new therapist. I had to go through a number of therapist before I found someone new I could connect with. I do feel that the new connection helped me mourn and then move on from my feelings regarding my initial therapist. Engaging in a new therapeutic relationship helped to teach me that letting go is okay . . . painful at times, but something I could handle emotionally. I learned a lot from her and I have a feeling from what you've said about your psychiatrist, you learned a lot from him due to his interest, compassion and gentle empathy. Those things will never leave you, even as the tone of his voice leaves.

There are low-income or free programs for emotional support. Many churches now have therapists who donate time at a free cost or low sliding fee. Call a local advocacy agency--in New York the Center for Independent Living was a great resource of what was available for people with a disability. The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) is another great resource for what's available. I think you were actually very lucky to find a psychiatrist who also did therapy because in the United States, that's not the norm. They usually only give clients a 10 to 15 minute "med check" and then out the door you go. I hope you find someone to give you the help you need.