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Originally Posted by Partless
I don't see it. I mean I see a thread but your post says delete.
I still don't see a boundary violation. Unless there are other details I have not read. I think there is reason for caution. But if you needed to be hugged and he came over and hugged you and try to comfort you, that's not a boundary violation. If you accidentally touched his crotch and he was aroused, that's not a boundary violation. Unless you violated his boundary. If he hugged you and you felt his arousal, again that's not a boundary violation. It would be like me, as a guy, hugging a female therapist and noticing she is aroused (I won't go into details but obviously less noticeable than for guys).
I'm not sure if a male therapist suddenly refused a hug because he was feeling aroused and how that's going to affect the client who feels rejected. Hugging involves two people and so I think usually the client and therapist negotiate how it's done together based on what the client is comfortable with. I have had female friends and usually I go in for a hug but it depends on how close they want to get. Some touch their bodies against mine, some do an "air hug" even. I've actually had to move back from some female friends who were drunk or too touchy for my liking too, because they body contact made me uncomfortable.
So the point I think is important and being overlooked is that arousal is not "voluntary." I think men are in a tougher situation when it comes to hiding
their arousal. But a male or female therapist might feel aroused by another attractive male or female client depending on their orientation. It is no different than a therapist feeling rage or hatred or fear towards a client. This is something a therapist will work on, in order to control. Sometimes they even reject clients because they can't control these feelings
Now having said all this, I think a boundary violation depends primarily on what YOU are comfortable with or what bothers you, and also overt sexual acts. The reason for the latter is that some people are actually comfortable with sexual touching. They might like the therapist too and treat this like a real relationship...which it is not, it's a professional relationship. Or they may feel validated by a kiss on the lips! So that's why the second point. And like I said in my previous post, you need to look for a pattern of sexual gestures or acts or words.
For instance, you can say you prefer a less intense hug or you don't like any body touching. Then see how the therapist reacts. If he respects your wishes, then that's fine. If he still tries to find a way to touch you, then obvious violation and change therapists.
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This therapist played with her hair, stroked her back and let her lay her head on his stomach low enough so she could accidentally touch his crotch. There is absolutely nothing about this that is ok. The OP can ask for a hug and her T can give her a short, supportive one, that's it.
Regarding the arousal, it's not something you wil feel unless you are very close, which means they were too close- like an embrace or cuddling. I understand arousal is physiological and can't always be helped. However, we are talking about a grown man here, not a 15 year old boy. Aldult men understand how their bodies work and know how to prevent such awkward "accidents" from occurring. If hugging or other touch is arousing to a male T then yes, he should deny an embrace to a client.
I have also seen a few male pdocs (including my current one) and therapist since I started treatment some 30 years ago. Never, ever, was there any interaction like this. So if it happens, there's something much more sinister going on.