If your wife had been the kind that make the kids her whole life she would have done it starting with your first child, not just starting just before the 3rd. You mentioned that it might have started with you making YOUR WORK the priority in the first place.....& they you added that you travel quite a bit......your wife might have felt abandoned by you in the marriage & without you there to keep you as a priority going......it wouldn't surprise me that she turned her life to the kids.........

Doesn't sound like you might be totally innocent in the mess your marriage has turned into......it's never all one side of the other....but if she doesn't feel like you are going to make any changes in your work situation to make her a higher priority....she's NOT about to be the only one making the changes.....maybe that's what she felt from you which might have been why she felt that counseling was a useless thing. Just something for you to possibly look as rather than laying all the blame on your failed marriage on your wife.

Obviously I don't know you or your marriage....but I have seen many marriages fail for just the reasons I have commented on.....& my thoughts are only based on words that you have posted here.....just something to think about for you before just blowing off your marriage.

Obviously I know that for me the bad feelings grew so bad that there was no way that anything could be recovered....& that is possible on both sides. You feel your wife only cares about the kids & she may feel that all you care about is your work.....& neither one is willing to change unless they see some change on the other one's part......you get a stale mate & end up walking away from a marriage that really didn't NEED to fail because each was not willing to budge.....but it takes both to make the changes....not only one side.