The present is fluid and sometimes tough, but I'm doing things I want to do, and counting victories, so not too hard most days. Still scary and making changes is always hard, but they are changes I am seeking and skills I'm desperately trying to learn.

The past is full of shame and I feel like I should be hiding it, covering up for others, and taking all the blame for the things that happened. I really had my head in the sand for most of my life. It's so humiliating to admit all my wrongs, all the wrongs that were done to me, and all the BS that I kept eating up and asking for more. The most shameful aspects are that as an adult I recognized "wrongs" but continued to live that way for half my life!!

So the present I can speak about in a very matter-of-fact tone. The past hurts. I spend a lot of time in session working on the present so I can avoid talking about the past.

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