Almedafan, I am in the midst of a disintegrating marriage that has lasted for almost 20 years. It is the most painful thing I have gone through in my life. Over the last 1 year and 8 months, I have gone through one counselor and now my T during the process of trying to deal with this. There was a time I took months off from therapy because I couldn't handle confronting this issue. This is not easy.

If I could go back in time and wanted to save this marriage, I would have gone to couples counseling years ago. Last week I told my husband I was seeing a therapist. Then last night at therapy I shared with my T that I had told my husband that, and he said that often the partner in a failing marriage is very glad to hear that, as it means his partner has support and makes it easier for him to leave. That sounds a bit like what you wrote about your husband. Does your husband know you would like more intimacy in the marriage? Is this something you could work on in counseling together?

It took me many, many sessions before I could even discuss my marriage with my T, and then I could only do it a few minutes at a time. Now I can spend the whole session on it. Next week will bring huge changes for me. My T says hang onto your hat and have my lawyer's phone number handy. It's scary. But I feel an inevitability to it. I have followed my path and not rushed things and healed some as I have gone. Just take it at your pace, almedafan, and if you think the marriage can be saved, try to get your husband in counseling with you.

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The conclusion for me tonight is that I need to make myself happy. I never really thought I deserved that.

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Yes, absolutely you deserve to be happy!

It sounds like you have a lot to work on in therapy, almedafan, either alone or with your husband. I don't think your T would suggest graduation if he fully understood the situation. Have you talked to him about the marriage? I hope you will give your T the letter so he can understand everything that is happening with you.

Hang in there, sweetie.
(((((((hugs)))))))

sunny