I frequently go back and forth about whether I have BPD or not. For over a year now, I've been wanting a definite answer. It just so happens that I got two definite answers from mental health professionals: one yes and one no, and so I'm right back where I started. Honestly, I want the answer to be "yes". I want there to be a valid reason behind why I am the way I am. I felt invalidated when he told me no. He basically said that I wasn't crazy enough to warrant the diagnosis even though he knows about all the ******* ****ing **** I deal with day in and day out. Because I'm not flying into public rages, I'm not BPD. He even said that it's common to read about something and think you have it, but I'm not an idiot! I know that I fit in here on the BPD board, for example. I go into other topics, and I can't relate to anything. I come here and almost everything feels like it could have been me that typed it. If I don't have BPD, then my life and the way I feel is entirely my fault. I created my problems and I should be able to fix them. And if I can't, then I guess I don't deserve to live.