I remember when a yr into therapy I finally blurted out what I have felt to be my most shameful "secret". I couldn't believe I had done it, but the lead up to this self disclosure was my own needing to be honest. I knew if I didnt find the inner strenght to lay my cards on the table then my therapy would feel dishonest.

I remember the shame I felt and wondered how I'd ever go back to therapy knowing she now knew what I knew. Infact I think I emailed her saying this and she was really very nice and that got me back to T where she made it clear that we now had to talk about this "secret".

I said I didn't think I could, she replied that didn't I feel that therapy was the place where this was ok to be talked about? I wanted to reply NO! but I knew she was right.

Since that time over a yr ago, we have revisited this topic a few times and each time it gets easier, I have gone from crying with my shame and head held between my legs too being able to sit up and mention it.

Sometimes we go weeks where its not mentioned and then it comes back again and I guess each time we re visit, its a different emotional level. I use to think that my "secret" was something that I needed to hide because somehow I was guilty! I know now that there were very different feelings going on underneath and see my own sordid secret as something that is very sad indeed, I guess I am seeing how T always saw it.

((Withit))None of this stuff is easy is it? Thinking of you!