Thank you all for your responses.

I havent answered sooner because i honestly dont know what to say.

Everything is still there, coming in waves.

Alter, i get what you mean. but i get up and go to work every morning, i even try new things, i smile, eat as always and i dont cry, feel sad or sorry for myself, so i dont think i am depressed. i have never been diagnosed with depression either, only with "mood disorder NOS", so i dont feel i am depressed or can say i am.

Life and living is just SO hard. for everyone, but i cant stand it.
still, im trying to do my best...