Today I am going to see T without makeup on. I am scared, but I want to show her what I really look like with the picking. A bloody, scabby, ugly face and chest. I'm afraid she'll think I'm dirty and ugly (even if just subconsciously), and that she'll not give me a hug today. I am actually very clean. Part of the picking is the OCD trying to remove the dirty spots. I know it makes things worse. People don't understand that we KNOW how illogical our actions are.