I've had three relationships with creepy men in my early 20's and by 25 years old I felt so damaged I gave up. I'm 48 now and I never thought I'd be alone my whole adult life. I never wanted kids but I did think I'd have a soul mate, have longed for one, but it ain't gonna happen. I'm never attracted to anyone and I don't ever want sex again and most men do. My psychiatrist was my most intimate relationship for 2 years and when he moved I was heartbroken. Still am after 2 years. Devastated. I live in a remote location and only see people about 8 hours a week. I have excellent friends but none I would admit my sadness to. I am a farmer and can't go out a lot, too far to go to get anywhere, but I try to get out twice a week. It's hard to have so much alone time and few distractions. Thank gawd for reading and movies. Though often when I am sad I can't do anything but cry and cry and cry. Like today. But I'll try to go out today and help a friend move. I find if I go out and help someone with a job they can't do on their own I feel useful and it's a nice way to spend time with people and accomplish something.