i don't know what to do. t is away from the 8th of december till 6th january. how the f am i meant to survive?? it's the christmas period and i always find that period triggering and hard and it's especially hard due to csa that always used to happen at christmas...

it's the time i need her most and she won't be there. i feel like she's let me down. she suggested i see an interim therapist like i did last time she was away for two months, which helped then. but i just can't be bothered to talk to someone else.

my T is the only thing keeping me alive. she goes, i go. i am not sure i am stable enough for her to just up and leave like that, although i know she needs a holiday of course she does she's a human, but ....

i'm scared i'll slide back down into that deep dark depression hole and do something stupid while she's away. i'm petrified.