"Anyway, I changed the topic yesterday to whether or not I know him because it was difficult to face what we were talking about. I love my husband but we aren't right together. This past year and a half I've learned through T how I picked not just my current husband but my former one too. I'm picking what I think are safe and stable men but it comes with a price because we are more friends than a true couple. There is no intimate love."

Maybe he is pointing out that you did not truly know your husbands or what you wanted and thus, like your husbands you do not truly know him.....in the deep down everyday kind of way. In my own way, valid or not, I feel that therapy is kind of a marriage...if only predominantly on one side (patient sharing) ...but both sides need to be dedicated.

Otherwise...I have appreciated not really knowing my doc as I do not then need to take care of him as much as I felt I needed to do with my previous T. But... I know he is a family man and that he wants me to have a loving relationship. He knows that this is important to me and so I think it is important for him in his life. He is meticulous in his housekeeping and in his person . Everything is in it's place. One time I walked in on a blustery day and put my coat on the floor. He told me to put it on the couch. He is smart. He is strict but well intended. He keeps two pens at all times in case one goes out. All methodical. He has nice clothes but not alot of them of a practical nature so likes quality, comfort but frugal. He has boundaries to protect his home life and professional life those are apparent. Those are ways that I feel I know my T... and more I am sure but without my knowing him...I know him. He keeps seeing me despite myself and is frustrated so he is dedicated and I think very ethical and determined. After time you get to know these things. He likes sex.. doggie style...lol... he perked up one time on that and that was not even what we were talking about..lol .

Too many words there but I just thought I would share.

I think and am sure you know that your husband is ambivalent and maybe sensitive to what difficult work therapy is, painful work and he would need to look at himself and his role in what is/is not going on.

Yes... Time to work on you and your own happiness. What do you want...even if you stay in the marriage.... What would you like to do to make your life better?