Quote:
Originally Posted by Partless
Oh StressedMess, I hear you! That first paragraph, exactly my thoughts.
I used to have this dream vision of intimacy, where you just get close, like finding your soul mate, you just naturally complement each other and everything goes so well.
But in reality, like you say, getting close to another person takes a lot of work! Heck it can even be a minefield! Even online or on this forum, I've said things (meaning well) that ended up upsetting someone and pushing them away. In a real relationship the same things happen. Everybody comes with their own history and their own baggage and their own sensitivities. I'm the same way! People can say things and mean well and it still hurts my feelings.
I sometimes wonder how real intimacy does happen when it does, when people get really close. That kind of trust must take years to develop. And so many hurdles to pass successfully. At least that's what I think.
|
Perfect! Real intimacy (the kind where the couple is celebrating their 50th anniversary, finishing each other's sentences, and holding hands while walking) has always been an ideal of mine. My relationships are more like battlegrounds, and instead of finishing each other's thoughts we were always trying to read each other's minds, and the only touching was violent or sexual, never just comfortable being together.
Yep it must be a true once in a lifetime experience, or else the rest of the world has much better communication skills than I do. Even online I find myself a "thread-killer" where the conversation just fizzles out and everyone loses interest in the topic after I spout off.
For me to ever feel safe in a relationship I'm going to have to seriously like myself, understand what makes me tick, and then I might have a hope and a prayer of finding my complementary partner instead of another disaster.
I figure by the time I do all this work on myself, I'll be so old and crotchety that nobody will be willing to take me on![emoji5]️
Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk