Hi, thanks everyone for the support..
I was stuck at work until late evening.. the session didn't go as I had planned, but it went well I would say.
It was hard. I recorded today's session (I told T and she agreed, I also said I would only keep it for myself). I am not putting it here as it's not even in English.
We talked about my distress first, I didn't address the problem directly. I just talked about how distressed I am about my life situation and then went on with how everything has been extremely triggering to me and how scared I was to say it because I feared the bad things would stand out over the progress. And that I always feel like I have to run and there's never enough time to put up with me.

T said that she thought we had already decided last week and that I don't have to be afraid of telling her things because that's what we are there for. And then here is the translation of the talk about the sessions. T said what about my free time next week.

And I went, "look, for me it is ok about the two weeks, I just wanted at least to get it out, that was important. I don't want an extension and have you wait. It's more pressure, really"

and she said "no no no, I told you already, you're not getting *a stupid extension*. Last week I wanted to see how you are and I saw I threw you in pain. I was just waiting for you to tell me what happens there (pointing at the heart) so let's keep it this way and then we will see in the future"

Me: "future like when, more or less? I think I need to know"

"I have no idea. When you feel better than you feel now and I am telling you in advance, because I know you will bring it up again, should your contract end, come and you will pay when you can just like last year. You don't have a safe harbor in life. This is your safe harbor" (well I hope and think this last thing about payment won't happen but it was totally unexpected and made me feel accepted and sheltered)

So I don't know. I'm emotional, a bit embarrassed (AND hearing your own voice recorded is horrible, ugh) but most of all, with that last sentence I feel like I have some stable (?) presence by my side and don't have to fight for anything. I can breathe, the world is not going to fall as soon as I turn away. Don't know if it makes any sense.. Sorry if I might have made a big deal out of nothing. But my life really sucks right now and my safe place means so much to me now. I didn't want to be alone with my demons.