Fear is a strong emotion and definitely can be increased by family. I feel your pain and can see it in your post. I don't know what your family is like, but I don't talk about my bp to my family because of comments I have heard. (Those crazy ppl. They are faking it. Just grow up. Get over it. I can go on.). Sad thing is I have a brother dx with schizophrenia, one with bp as I have, and have recently figured out that is what my father had when he pretty much killed him self. I do not take psych meds, but I use the tools I have and just. JUST. Started to trust a few ppl with my dx. I feel better and it helps to talk to someone about it. I do have two friends in the psych field and a few bp friends that understand. Perhaps you could find someone you trust to confide in. Hugs and thoughts! Be safe