Hey, haven't been here in a while, I'll try to shorten this as much as possible.

Quick background, male, diagnosed with major depressive disorder 2 years ago. I'm currently working as a registered nurse in a state hospital, recent hire (2 years experience elsewhere) and I absolutely hate it. I hate nursing. I'm only 24 years old and I just feel stuck. Just the thought of going in to work gets me down, but people always tell me how good I am at it.

I've been trying to move out of my parents' house for YEARS, they constantly push their religious beliefs on me even when I've told them I don't believe in it. No matter how hard i try, how much money i save up, I'm still here. Something will always come up. I've been in and out of bad relationships, struggling with staying in shape, weight going up and down constantly. I've been drinking more often, using up an old RX of Xanax I have, I'm actually typing this out at the bar right now.

I'm getting paranoid, thinking there's some FORCE punishing me from being happy. I'm not even a religious or spiritual man, but I've been doing rituals I've researched, I'm losing my grip on reality and I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm sorry if this post soudnds a bit scrambled, my mind is a bit scrambled.

I'm also an artist, tried drawing a few things tonight and I CANNOT draw anything. I'm losing interest in everything, I isolate myself in my room and play video games all day. I just don't see a good outcome for myself longterm. Sorry for the ramble, I guess I'm just talking... even if you have no advice, I appreciate whoever reads this for reading it.