Hi mattastrophik, it sounds like life has been hard for you. Nursing is a hard profession to work in, even if you like taking care of sick people. I work in the medical field and there are so many pressures. Actually, what drives me nuts is not the caring for sick people aspect, it is the beauracracy work you have to do. Have you tried to find a career counselor and work towards another profession? You are too young to do a job you are not happy with for the rest of your life.

Have you seen a therapist or counselor? I think depression makes us paranoid. It also makes us believe we don't deserve to be happy. Don't worry about rambling. This is a place to talk to people who understand and to vent. Best wishes to you.