for me, it was the right meds that finally got my life on track. I balked at the idea of meds for years but then I finally had a breakdown. I had no choice but to get on meds. my life completely turned around. I can not believe the difference they made. therapy too. I wanted life to be different, needed life to be different. I worked hard at changing my thoughts. now I no longer live in poverty. I have a great job I love. drive a great car. have people who love and support me in life. I feel like the magic wand I prayed for all those years finally hit me over the head. I was hopeless like you sound and I finally got all I ever wanted. I am not saying it was easy and it didn't happen overnight. I had to work for it. but it started with meds and therapy and a desire for real change. take care.