I feel awful.

I don't want to contact her because she is on vacation and that's supposed to be the time you get away from work. It shouldn't follow you to vacation, and I would end up feeling even worse trying to contact her.

I feel like everyone hates me. My birthday is this month and I scheduled a party, and even though I invited close to 40 people, absolutely none have RSVP'd. Zero out of 40 people. There isn't a single person in my life who is willing and able to spend a few hours with me one time in order to celebrate my birthday. It's still a few weeks away, but I feel like those that haven't replied yet are just waiting to see if something better comes along, and they don't really want to go. A few have given me legitimate reasons why they can't, and that's fine. I expected that. But most have just ignored me.

I feel hated and rejected. I feel like no one cares about me at all and that they would all be better off if I was gone. I don't understand what's wrong with me. What is it about me that is so horrible that absolutely no one wants anything to do with me? What about me is so horrific? Absolutely no one has ever really cared. I have no one to turn to or to talk to. I have no one who is there for me. What's the point?