Hi hvert. I did get him set up with some visits from home attendants. That kind of got screwed up lately. Part of the reason is that he did not use the visits as intended to get showered. So now the VA won't pay. I can understand that. Also, the agency that sends the attendants changed from having someone steady come to having different people coming. They don't do much, and most everything ends up back on me.

Hi Christina. He would easily meet the criteria to be placed in a long term care facility. He dreads that. I love him enough to want to help him avoid that as long as possible. Through the VA, he's been evaluated every which way. They have offered him the option of going for day care two days per week. I do need to look into that. He says he's not interested, but he was willing to go at least once to just see what it's like. I kind of know what that is like, and I highly doubt he would go back a second time. (I used to work in a place that provided elder day care.) But I do need to at least visit the place and make him stick to his commitment to, at least, try it one week.

He is here with me this weekend, and it is going pretty well so far. My feelings do get confused because I would miss him, if he were in a nursing home. Yes, I could and would go visit him lots, but we wouldn't have the private time together that we do enjoy. We had a nice evening just now watching movies. Once you are in a nursing home, there is a limit on how many hours per month you can leave the facility, without losing eligibility to be there. He would go in on Medicaid and that can mean not the nicest of conditions. This is something I know a lot about, as I've worked in nursing homes for years. He'ld be sharing a room with a stranger. He wouldn't have his own TV. He'ld probably fall trying to get around in a strange environment. He wouldn't like the food. (I'ld be bringing him food everyday.) Every elderly person should have what he has in me. Of course, I won't have that, myself, when I'm older.

Hi Open Eyes. I did get a boost when I went back to see family in the Spring. I've felt better this summer than the 3 previous summers. I've felt that I was really getting on top of my depression. I've been keeping both our apartments up really nice. I feel organized. For some reason, I've just gotten demoralized . . . partly over his not cooperating with the home attendants. One of his adult children is coming in a few weeks to visit. I'm already stressing out about "entertaining" her. I just hope she will grasp where he is at. If he fails much more, I may have to ask her to intervene. She would be the first one to tell me that I don't have to do anything at all that I don't feel up to doing. In the past, his adult kids have pretty much let me know that they don't see anyone holding a gun to my head and that I should just do whatever I want. I see their point.

I really appreciate being heard by my peers here at PC. It's like I don't have any other direction to go in to express what I'm going through. Today went fairly well, so I guess I'll just keep taking it one day at a time.