[QUOTE=HazelGirl;4030262]I also don't hold parties for the same reason. Because things like this always happen. I hate myself for being so awful that no one is willing to tolerate being around me.
Whoa! What in people not responding to your invitation to a birthday celebration tells you that they are not "willing to tolerate being around me"? I get it that it hurts not to hear from people when you send out an invitation, BUT as you so eloquently state in many of your other posts, no response doesn't mean that they don't care. It means that they are absentminded, socially inept, jerks or just plain unprepared to plan their lives. Hazelgirl, you're mindreading and catastrophizing here. You can't possibly know why people aren't responding. Maybe you're right. Maybe these people aren't interested in celebrating your birthday with you (of course I have to think that all of them aren't thinking that! But I understand your tendency to self-hate and self-doubt as a reason you think this), but you need to rethink this. You have told people many times on this forum to slow down and not mindread what other people think. You need to use your own wonderful advice!
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The thing is that a part of me can do that. A part of me can and does analyze what I'm thinking and feeling and can see how distorted it is. The problem is that the rest of my mind ignores that part. It doesn't matter whether I can see how illogical it all is. Because a majority of my mind is convinced that it is fact even though I can see how much I am jumping to conclusions.
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You know what? On this forum, all of us or most of us, ignore our own WISE mind. We distort things and fail to see how our thinking makes things twisted or illogical. I'm sure from your posts that you get that you are no different than any of us. It's a great feeling to know that you're in good company, right?
Most of us struggle with the idea that our mind is clever at unsettling us, and we are wrong in our assumptions. And often we are wrong in our assumptions. We need to seek out others to check on our assumptions. Others on this board seek out and accept your assertions that they are thinking in a distorted manner. Maybe its time to accept that your own assumptions might possibly be distorted. Does EVERY person you invited want to come to your birthday party need to come? Probably not (although I can't say for sure), but are there some great, caring and compassionate people who care about you and want your birthday to be a happy and joyful affair? I'm guessing, yes! If not, it's time to seek out some new loving and supportive people. Not a bad thing to do for any person. Take care.