After he got home from taking the boys to the skating rink, he started yelling at me again. This is what he always does. Saying that I need to let go of my past, and I don't love him, I've been making him miserable for the last 15 years. That whenever we argue I shut myself off. So last night, I decided to finally open up. I let it all out. Every thing I've been holding in for the last 15 years. I know that a lot of the problems in the marriage are because of my problems with sex, because of the abuse from my dad that I never told anyone about until 1 1/2 years ago. So I never dealt with it. It's just created a serious problem in our sex life all this time. I'm working with a therapist and trying to fix it. I also have lost many people in my life, I had a baby when I was 16 who died tragically when he was 2 1/2 years old and this has really affected every aspect of my life. From my depression to how I parent my children now. He always tells me I need to move on from what happened, not that I need to forget my son, but I can't. I have so much guilt and regret. How do you just let that go? I know that it's been 21 years, but I am still stuck there. Not that I want to be, or maybe I do. Maybe I want to keep punishing myself forever. I wish it had been me instead of my baby. This is the first time I've ever talked about him with anyone in 21 years. I've been keeping everything I've been feeling inside. Last night he told me that I didn't care about my kids. And that he was going to file for custody. He knows how much my children mean to me. I don't even think he likes kids sometimes. The only reason he would do that is to hurt me. That would absolutely destroy me. I feel like I want to die right now. I can't believe he would do this to me. I feel completely broken inside.