Okay, this is going to seem pretty callous, but WELCOME TO THE HUMAN RACE, HazelGirl!!!!!! Now that I've said that, know that I totally understand. Analysing, reading self-help or clinical books is pretty standard for all of us with more than a few brain cells who suffer from serious mental illness. I don't know about you, but I always thrived on knowing the literature better than my therapist. And guess what, she admitted freely that I KNEW the literature/terms better than her. What I have failed at is truly grasping what I know intellectually and what I get on a true personal level. I'm guessing that you struggle with the same issues. You read psychological theory and clinical application and you understand. BUT when it comes to applying this to your own issues, you find yourself stumbling and inept. This is pretty normal. Intellectual people attempt to understand through information . . . unfortunately, in social interactions and psychological understanding, this approach rarely works.

I'd suggest talking about all this with your therapist. You need to be honest and forthright about your confusion about these issues when it comes to your own issues. I'm not saying you aren't but I will say for myself, I often try to OUTDO my therapist in the area of understanding the literature and what is going on (and I also try to outdo others in the understanding of what is going on here on the forum! Jeesh, it gets tiring! You post a lot about what you see other people doing--time to concentrate on you, perhaps). Sometimes it's better to take the back seat . . . easier said than done. I sure hope it works out for you because you are obviously a very bright and articulate young woman who has a bright future ahead of her if you can get the help and support you need to make that leap!