I am reading into your post that your husband wants you with him, present and available for a relationship with him and your children. That is actually a beautiful thing. Holding onto the past can never change what has happened and it won't make you a different person. Letting go of the past does not make you a bad person ... just someone who is facing life with courage. Staying in the present makes life manageable, one day at a time. It may feel scary to let go of those old ghosts but it is possible. I hope you find a way to work this out and keep what you have woundedsoul.