I've found it really helpful to write about it, either when I am posting for help or reading other people's stories about their parents. The out of the fog forum is very good for toxic parent situations.

Don't respond the way they want you to. Wait a few days before getting back to them. Let them keep sending crazy text messages. Don't call them. If they want to know why you didn't call, just say you were busy, with no details-- or ignore the question entirely.

They have learned that if they poke you, you will respond. They may have to poke a few times, but eventually they can get what they want out of you. The sooner you stop giving it to them, the sooner they will stop poking.

When you do talk to them, are the conversations just them talking at you? What would happen if you changed the dynamic? I found that my mother was always starting arguments with me, asking me for help or my opinion and then disagreeing with whatever I said. I stopped taking the bait. It confused her. It became more like a game for me.

Maybe the next time your parents call, you could start a political argument (if that would be out of character for you). Or just something very different, to put them off their guard. The point is to let them know that they can no longer control you with their mind games. Ask them what nursing home they want to go to. Just something random and different and perhaps slightly offensive that they wouldn't expect.

In terms of getting past the problems caused by toxic parenting, I feel in the dark half the time. I struggle to understand what normal looks like. It took me a very long time to realize that what I grew up with was not normal. In the past couple of years I've realized that some of my friendships are unhealthy-- and that my toxic friends often share some striking characteristics with my parents.