hvert's suggestion is a wise one. You have a lot invested in your relationship and family. It would be a shame to lose it all because you've met people who didn't respond well to meds. and they've kind of scared you away from the idea.

Outpatient can work well for people who don't need to be in a protective environment due to violence toward self or others. A psychiatrist in your home area could be the person who prescribes and monitors meds. They don't usually want to see people weekly, so it would likely be possible to work around your traveling schedule.

And, of course, therapy. On-line therapy can work. Seeing that you travel, it might be the best option for you. Somewhere down the line, you and your partner may benefit from some couples counseling because a lot of resentments and fear and misunderstanding can build up over the years.

I'm going to ask a personal question, more for you to think about than to answer here if you don't feel like it. Do you drink alcohol or use any drugs of any kind, either prescription or recreational? Maybe not all the time, but sometimes?

I ask because you described going into rages where you insulted your partner, but you didn't know it until she videoed you. People do have blackouts and memory loss for mental health issues. It happens. But the number one cause of such memory blackouts is drinking. Or downer drugs. Or drugs and alcohol combined.

If you're having episodes of rage, shouting and name calling you don't remember, it's really important that you do something about it ASAP. Your partner may be strong enough to handle it, but it can really be hard on your kids.

If it's from bi-polar disorder, you really do need to see a psychiatrist and talk about meds. But if these things happen when you're drinking, it's time to look at alcohol as the cause. People can undergo a complete personality change while intoxicated. While in an alcohol-induced blackout, people can do things they wouldn't do sober in a million years. People can even forget they were drinking or that they kept drinking into the night. They think maybe they had a couple. It might be wise to ask your partner if you were drinking when she videoed you.

As people get a little older, their tolerance to alcohol can be reduced and a relatively small amount of alcohol, compared to what they could drink when younger, can cause a memory blackout and some outrageous, out of character behavior.

Just something to think about. If any of these rage episodes that you don't remember have happened when you were drinking, I strongly suggest you forget your partner's request to enter a mental hospital and instead check into an alcohol treatment center -- either in-patient or out-patient.

For one thing, combining psychiatric drugs with alcohol can be extremely dangerous. It's best to deal with the alcohol first, then after a period of sobriety the psych problems can be looked at without them being complicated by drinking or recreational drugs or alcohol-induced episodes of shocking behavior and memory loss.

If I'm way off-base, please forgive me. But it seemed worth mentioning.

I wish you the best.