I completely get that. If when I was younger I wasn't so thoroughly convinced that my future held doom I would have done/not done a lot of things differently in the past. I wouldn't have drank like a fish, I wouldn't have smoked like a chimney, I would have eaten better, I would have gone to college, I wouldn't have been so reckless, I wouldn't have gotten in trouble with the law and given myself a record...*sigh*, all I can do though now is go from here and try to correct what I can and make the best of life that I can from this point forward.

Really, I was incredibly self-destructive in my late teens and early twenties and I was intentionally and consistently very bad to my body, trying to hurry up the process of death. Now that I'm older and I don't want to die, in fact I'd rather live a long, fulfilling life, I am dealing with the consequences of my self-destructive decisions from the past. Present Mikeyboy surely does not appreciate past Mikeyboy's behavior. But all he can do about it now is take the appropriate actions to try to make it a little easier for future Mikeyboy.