He refuses to see a therapist due to having such a high security clearance. Just going to a therapist would be reported and would put his clearance in jeapardy. Although, I'm not sure if it would do much good anyway. He always tells me that if we went together that the therapist would tell me what a mess I am, and that I treat him so horribly, and that he's a saint for putting up with me for all these years. Now, I readily admit to all of my shortcomings, but we all know that no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes in a relationship. Last night, I brought up 2 incidents that have been bothering me, one for 15 years, since right after we got married, and the other right after my babies were born. I asked him about the first and he wouldn't ever explained. When the 2nd happened, I just didn't ask. I knew he wouldn't explain. And at the time, I felt so guilty about my issues with sex that, I knew it would be the end of our marriage if I pushed it. Last night though, he just blew it off. No explanation. But he can bring up anything about me over and over again. It's such crap!