I dunno! I could go through the NHS, but that's even worse - long waiting lists and hard to get anything other than a short course of CBT. Don't want to diss the NHS, it's wonderful in many ways, but crap at mental health problems. I'm lucky to have a bit of health insurance through my job.

I could pay out of pocket, but only for a T with very low rates. This one is reputed to be very good, but is one of the most expensive. But maybe I'd be better off with stability than skill...

I want to make this work, I want to heal, but I'm not sure whether pushing myself to open up in this situation would actually help or make things worse.